


Coming Up For Air

by wallywestie



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Haru is confused, M/M, Past Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka, cheating?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-07 18:44:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14087265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wallywestie/pseuds/wallywestie
Summary: The air was thick with unresolved tension. Haruka didn’t remember what started the argument, but before he knew it, they were yelling at each other, one of them said something stupid and now both boys were silent.





	Coming Up For Air

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me randomly and even though I have so many other things to write, I felt like I needed to write this one before I lost inspiration for it, so here is some angsty makoharu goodness!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://wallywestie.tumblr.com//)

The air was thick with unresolved tension. Haruka didn’t remember what started the argument, but before he knew it, they were yelling at each other, one of them said something stupid and now both boys were silent. Haruka could hear everything in the silence. The ticking of the clock on the wall behind him, the cars outside his apartment, the TV that was left on from before. His senses seemed heightened. Even through all this noise, all he could focus on was Makoto. His chest rising and falling with everything breath, the frown on his face, the sad look in his eyes.

Haruka hated this.

He hated fighting with Makoto. It hurt too much. They were best friends, had been since they were little. They were able to read each other like a book. Makoto always understood what Haruka was thinking, what he wanted, what he needed. Why couldn’t he do that now?

When they decided to take the next step into their relationship, take the step from best friends to something more, Haruka was worried. He didn’t want to ruin what they had. Didn’t want to lose over 20 years of friendship if it didn’t work out. But as things progressed he was less and less scared, they seemed to be closer than ever, except for right now. Right now, Haruka felt so disconnected from Makoto he didn’t know what to do.

He had to say something. The silence was deafening, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to apologize or _something_ , but before he could, he heard Makoto sigh before speaking,

“Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not still in love with him.” Haruka blinked.

“What?” Haruka knew what he was talking about, who he was talking about. He was talking about Rin. They dated over a year ago.

“ _Look me in the eye and tell me you’re not still in love with him_.” Was he? Was he still in love with Rin? They broke up only a year ago, and they had dated for 3 years. They had so many firsts with each other. Almost every first there was, he had it with Rin, except for one, one of his firsts he had with Makoto.

Haruka couldn’t think about that right now, Makoto was expecting an answer that he was afraid he couldn’t answer. Looking into Makoto’s hopeful eyes, hoping for Haruka to say he wasn’t still in love with Rin. Him and Makoto had only just started dating 6 months ago, but there was so much more there, so much more history. But looking at Makoto he couldn’t say that, he couldn’t say he wasn’t still in love with Rin because he _didn’t know_.

And when he looked away his heart stopped when he heard another sigh from Makoto and then footsteps. He wanted to stop him, should have stopped him but he was frozen and instead of chasing after his boyfriend, he listened as the front door opened and then closed with a slam!

Makoto was gone and Haruka didn’t know what do but call Rin. He needed to know if he still felt anything for Rin. Needed to know for himself, for Rin and especially for Makoto.

~  
Haruka and Rin sat on the couch. Haruka hadn’t said anything since the man had arrived at his door.

“So, what did you want Haru?” Rin asked, scratching the back of his head nervously. Haruka looked at him, trying to figure out what it was he felt for Rin. Was he still in love with him? There was only one way to find out.

Haruka leaned forward kissing Rin. It was different from last time. The feeling he had was different and he couldn’t place what it was.

“Haru? What about Makoto?” Rin asked, pulling away. Haruka just pushed him down on the couch, kissing him again. He needed this, needed to figure out what he felt. He was confused and needed to figure things out.

What was this he was feeling? Before when he kissed Rin, his heart would race, and his skin would feel like it was burning up, and compared to Makoto, Rin was a lot more rough and fast.

But with Makoto their kisses were soft, and with just enough pressure. With Makoto, Haruka’s heart wouldn’t just be racing, it would be pounding, and Makoto’s touches were soft and delicate, and everything was slow and just right. Kissing Makoto was like a breath of fresh air.

Everything with Makoto was so much better. It was calmer, it was safer, it was home. When Haruka felt like he was drowning, Makoto would be there to bring him back to the surface.

Where Rin was pressuring and almost suffocating, Makoto was like coming up for air. Makoto was everything and more for Haruka.

Haruka wasn’t still in love Rin, might have never been in love him in the first place. What they had was passionate and Haruka didn’t regret anything about it, but it wasn’t love, it was lust and infatuation. It was discovering themselves and trying to figure themselves out, but it wasn’t love.

For Haruka, love had always been with Makoto. It was meeting him for the first time and wondering why he was so shy and holding onto his parents, it was joining the swim club when Makoto asked him, it was protecting Makoto whenever he was scared, linking their hands together when Makoto needed it. It was almost losing Makoto not once, but twice. It was sharing a bed until they were both too big to fit, it was sharing their first kiss, it was moving to Tokyo together, it was all that and more.

It was something familiar, something that’s always been there, a love that started so early that it took years to realize.

So, no, Haruka wasn’t in love with Rin, never was, he was in love with Makoto, always had been.

Haruka pulled away, eyes widening at the tears in Rin’s eyes.

“Why are you crying?” He asked, beginning to sit up, but before he could, Rin pulled him back down, mumbling against his lips,

“I missed you, I want to try this again. I still love you.” Suddenly Haruka heard something drop and when he looked up he saw Makoto.

His heart _shattered_. Makoto looked so broken. His eyes were red and puffy from before, but Haruka could see a fresh set threatening to spill over.

“I knew it.” He heard Makoto say before he was out the door once again. This time Haruka wasn’t going to let him run.

He pushed himself off Rin, but before he could go far, a hand caught his wrist.

“Haru?”

“I don’t- I never- I love Makoto.” He told him, and he knew Rin didn’t understand, knew Rin was heartbroken and that this would affect their friendship, but he knew it would be fine. Rin would realize the same thing he did, soon enough. But right now, he needed to go after the one thing that has always been in his life, the one thing that he always wants in his life, the one thing he needs in his life, he had to stop Makoto.

Running out the door of his apartment, he hoped he would have caught him at the elevator, but when he wasn’t there, he opted for the stairs and ran down the 3 flights, catching Makoto just as he was about to step out of the building.

“Makoto!” He yelled and when the man turned around he ran as fast as he could at him, jumping and wrapping his whole body around him. Instinctively, Makoto caught him wrapping his arms around Haruka. “Don’t go, please. I love you, always loved you. Only you, always has been you.” Haruka cried out. He was crying, and he didn’t care, he needed Makoto to know that he was it, has always been it.

“But Rin?” Makoto asked, putting Haruka down, though his hands never left his waist.

“I was confused. I was upset and didn’t know what I felt so I thought maybe, but it wasn’t him. It was you. It’s _always_ been you, Makoto.” Haruka took a breath, trying to stop himself from crying. “You’re like coming up for air Makoto. You’ve always been there for me. You’re the one to help me reach the surface when I feel like I’m drowning. You’re familiar, and comfort but you’re also oh so new and inviting and it took me so long to realize it, I’m _sorry it took so long_ but please don’t leave. I need you, I love you.” And when he looked up the sparkle in Makoto’s eyes were back and brighter than ever, he was crying and Haruka knew they probably looked stupid, but he didn’t care.

And when Makoto leaned down whispering, “I love you” against his lips Haruka finally felt like he could breathe again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, feel free to leave some kudos or a comment! I love hearing what you thought about it!


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